i saw the holy spirit at a lady gaga concert

Sitting in the church pew as a child, the same row and seat every week, I spent many sermons with my neck craned toward the ceiling, counting the pendant lights as they dangled above our heads. On occasion, I’d consider who would be impacted if certain ones were to fall. Where the pitch of the roof met the walls, there was a faux balcony of sorts. This where I assumed the Holy Spirit must reside, hidden in the shadows under the small archways. I’d look up expectantly when a hymn called out the name, waiting for a sign. Sometimes a pendant would swing, confirming my suspicions.

I returned to this church fifteen years later, during an “on” period of my off and on relationship with the Christian faith. Even at twenty-two, I still searched the rafters for a sign of the unseen presence.

Six years removed from any church attendance, I’ve been revisiting my experience as I’ve watched young adults flock to services, seeking answers to questions they’re unable to articulate. What is it that they’re looking for? Is it really faith that they need?

Maybe.

But when I find myself nostalgic for my old Sunday routine, I find that it is not the faith I miss — I can find that elsewhere. Instead, it is the community. I miss the hugs, the warmth, the familiarity. I miss knowing that I had a set appointment for meaningful connection with others. There’s no need for finding a time that works for everyone, or talking over too-loud music of bars, restaurants, and coffee shops.

In a current culture that severely lacks genuine connection, churches are able to fill a “third spaces” void, from minuscule towns to major cities. There are an estimated 332,000 Christian congregations in the U.S. — compare that to the 13,658 McDonald’s locations. In rural areas, it can be more accessible than books (around 125,000 libraries) and food. People have a void that they feel they need to fill. They don’t understand it, but their friends say that their faith has helped them. Then, on one Sunday, they stand with a large group of people and they feel it, what they would call the Holy Spirit.

But maybe they are right, in a sense. Maybe the Holy Spirit is the result of humans having a shared experience. Maybe it isn’t limited to only those who meet the necessary prerequisites.

In that case, I understand faith very well. I’ve felt it at weddings, at marathon finish lines, and at the Eiffel Tower as the crowd cheers at the hourly light spectacle. I’ve felt it while I cried as a stadium full of people sang together at a Lady Gaga concert, finding connection through the radical concept of self acceptance. I do not need a church to feel and understand the beauty that is available through connection.

I no longer consider myself to be religious, but I do seek out experiences that provide connection. I do seek out the grounding calmness that can be found among nature. I seek out the joy that comes from observing the world around us. That, to me, is my faith.